Dr Kershaw’s has been my lifeline!

Sarah Smith’s husband, Brian died on 3rd August 2021, just a day before his 46th birthday. Brian had been diagnosed only five months earlier with cancer of his liver, spleen and colon. Loving husband and dad to two sons, Brian was offered chemotherapy but chose to have quality time with his family instead. Sadly, Brian started to deteriorate shortly after and at that point Dr Kershaw’s stepped in to support Brian and his family, enabling Brian to be cared for peacefully in his own home surrounded by his loved ones…

“Brian was very family orientated and loved spending time with myself and our sons, Brandon and Charlie. He loved going to the gym, listening to YouTube on his earphones, enjoying his favourite tipple of Blue WKD and he also loved Marvel films. Me and Brian met through my brother who set us up on a blind date and the rest was history. When we first met, Brian was in the army, and after that he worked as a warehouse supervisor. He loved his job and was that dedicated that until a week before he passed away he still wanted to go to work.

In February 2021, a week before my birthday, Brian became very poorly, struggling with backache, he was lethargic and had lost quite a lot of weight. Brian had tests and was told that he had cancer of an unknown primary. By mid-march his diagnosis was confirmed and our world wasn’t the same again. Brian had cancer in his liver, colon, spleen; in fact in his entire abdominal cavity. He was offered chemotherapy but Brian made the difficult decision not to have treatment. It was heart-breaking to explain to our boys but we were open and honest; Covid was still very much around and Brian didn’t want to be isolated, he wanted to see his family and wanted quality of life for the time he had left.

After a difficult few months, with further weight loss and his symptoms intensifying, Brian started to deteriorate in July with more tumours and no desire to eat. At that point we knew the end was coming, and that prompted the ‘elephant in the room’ conversations about his final days and his funeral plans. Once we had made these important decisions it was like a weight had been lifted, he could enjoy his time with his boys and his family on his terms.

During the last two weeks of Brian’s life we were introduced to Dr Kershaw’s Hospice at Home Team, who came into our home as total strangers but left as family. The team were amazing, they were so friendly and approachable, we could ask them any questions and they would support us. We wanted his passing to be peaceful for Brian and the boys too, he was their dad but also their best friend. Nothing was ever too much trouble, even though it was so sad the nurses always had a smile and always had empathy, even when he passed and they washed him and cleaned him for the final time. The nurses were so professional, so gentle, so calm, so loving and caring to us, and we are totally grateful to them for sharing the saddest part of our lives. We are thankful to the team for Brian’s peaceful passing, they put everything in place so he could fulfil his final wish to die at home.

Nobody expects this to happen at such a young age and it comes as a complete and devastating experience. After Brian died it was really lonely, and Dr Kershaw’s Bereavement and Counselling Teams brought me through that. I wasn’t judged or patronised, nobody told me what I needed to do. It was nice to know I wasn’t on my own, but around other people who have lost people they cherish.

Brian was the love of my life, I was ready to give up and was really struggling. Coming to terms with my grief, trying to handle the kid’s grief and Brian’s parent’s grief. I was struggling as I felt I’d let him down as I didn’t spot his symptoms earlier and let the kids down too. The Hospice’s Bereavement Support Group gave me a place to go at the loneliest of times, it helped me to realise that I did the best I could and I couldn’t have done any better.

After Brian died, I signed up for a sky dive raising £1,500 for the Hospice, I am absolutely petrified of heights but one of my greatest fears was losing Brian or the kids, I got through losing Brian so why let a sky dive scare me? I am also a Hospice Lottery member and support Light Up a Life and Rose to Remember. Dr Kershaw’s Hospice might only be a name to some people, it might just be a local hospice but to me it’s been my lifeline and my support network other than my family and friends and I will continue to support them so that they can care for others like Brian.”